Imagine how the world could be, so very fine.

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Teacher:
Schools almost over
Teacher:
and this is crazy
Teacher:
but here's three projects
Teacher:
due friday

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Yesterday, I ordered pizza online, and under Delivery Instructions, I wrote “Sing ‘Call Me Maybe’ at the door.”  When the guy showed up, he didn’t sing to me.  It was one of the biggest disappointments of my life.

Sir, wherever you are, I want my $5 tip back.